


Playlist: EXO

by fallendevil17



Series: Playlist: A Series [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Coming of Age, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-03
Updated: 2016-11-03
Packaged: 2018-08-28 20:45:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8462368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallendevil17/pseuds/fallendevil17
Summary: I dedicate this series to you. Thank you so much for the wonderful and beautiful memories. It had been a great journey along with the twelve of you. Yours truly,fallendevil





	1. My Turn to Cry/Christmas Day

**Author's Note:**

> Please take note that there will be mentions of the ex-members, either directly or indirectly. I would like to outline the fact that I am definitely and absolutely not directing any malicious comment towards the ex-members. Like I mentioned before, I wrote these pieces to help me to cope with the hard times. Should if you feel uncomfortable with the way I portrayed the ex-members, I would kindly advise not to continue reading.

 

Junmyeon’s right hand is on the wheel whilst he uses the other to prop his chin as he leans against the door. If Baekhyun is in the vehicle with him now, the younger one would tease him endlessly about him looking as if he’s posing for a car commercial. But he isn’t here and frankly, Junmyeon is not really in the mood for his teasing at this time.

The silence at three in the morning is perfect for Junmyeon. He has too much things running in his head, causing it difficult for him to fall asleep. Thinking that he needs a breath of fresh air to clear his mind, he changes into his training pants and a clean white shirt and takes Chanyeol’s keys before heading out. (Chanyeol once told him that he could borrow his car anytime he wants provided he doesn’t scratch his baby Mercedes.)

Chanyeol’s stereo has been playing their Miracles in December album and when Junmyeon reaches Hangang, ‘My Turn to Cry’ begins to play. Chen’s smooth voice fills the car. Junmyeon likes this song the most out of the album. Baekhyun, Kyungsoo and Jongdae’s voice blends perfectly, successfully highlighting the mellow sentiment in the lyrics. Junmyeon never says this aloud to anyone (as a leader and fellow teammate, he is of course proud of the vocalists’ singing potentials) but actually he loves Jongdae’s voice the most. There is something about Jongdae’s voice that connects to his soul. Jongdae doesn’t just employ good singing techniques; he pours his heart and soul when he sings and it always, _always_ invokes a strong emotion in Junmyeon that sends a warm tingly feeling to his chest and stomach. And for some reason, this unique feeling is even more intense in this song. Junmyeon can sense the genuineness in his vocal that it almost feels like as if Jongdae is dedicating this song to him.   

Junmyeon parks his Mercedes under a shady tree that is a few feet away from the nearest street lights, not wanting to risk anyone to see him despite it is already so late in the night. He waits for the song to end, before turning off the ignition. And the silence that Junmyeon gladly welcomes returns, save from the sound of crickets. As the stillness ensues, his mind begins to wander.

Junmyeon thinks of his members who should be fast asleep in the dormitory. He thinks of how they are all doing well in their careers. They are getting bigger, and better as they break their own record, attaining the title of ‘double million seller’ thanks to the success of their latest repackage album, ‘Love Me Right’. They are also receiving individual recognition- Kyungsoo and Minseok are receiving movie roles. Yixing is doing well with his solo projects- movie offers as well as variety shows after having his own personal studio established not long ago. And Jongdae’s outstanding vocal talent is finally acknowledged- he is actually offered as the main cast of the upcoming musical along with their fellow company mates, Kibum and Sunyoung.

Everything is great, or at least Junmyeon pretends it to be. But Junmyeon knows, no matter how hard he tries to feign normalcy, it’s not easy to ignore the fact that there used to be a neat line of Ironman figurines arranged next to his collection of manga series. He tries not to grimace when he sees the art tools messily laid out on the table next to Yixing’s or the limited edition Gucci sunglasses on the top of the refrigerator. There is no way he can disregard the gaping hole in his chest.

_Hyung, I will come back before you even know it._

And it’s already been five months since **he** left. What appears to be a temporary hiatus serving as a recovery period for his injured leg and waist becomes the start of a solo career back in China. Junmyeon doesn’t even know what to think anymore, the familiar feeling of deception and desertion gnawing at him, when he sees the news about his personal work studio on the main news portal. Junmyeon would never forget how utmost hurt and betrayal etched on each of the members’ faces when they, too, found out about the news on their smartphones, and how Yixing came home that night after filming, kept apologizing nonstop for something that he hasn’t even done wrong. Junmyeon remembered hugging the younger, repeating _“it’s okay_ ” over and over again.

If it is possible to hug **each and every one** of their 3.2 million fans, Junmyeon would have done it. Junmyeon doesn’t understand, and he probably never would be able to truly understand how a person could love another person whom they hardly know on a personal level; to embrace them whole-heartedly, when they have broken their promise again and again. The fans have been such angels; despite they themselves are obviously hurt by the departure of yet another member in a year’s time, they still shows utmost devotion to them by organizing surprise events during their concerts (all of them broke into tears when they saw EXO-Ls held up banners printed ‘from now on, it’s the beginning’) as well as trending comforting words on various social networks. Their unwavering support during such difficult time drives them to work even harder so that they won’t let them down, not anymore. They want to prove that they are worthy of their unconditional love and support.

Junmyeon tenses when he hears a car nears him but relaxes when the four-wheeled vehicle drives past him. Junmyeon winds down the car window, as he feels the cold breeze against his skin and heaves a deep sigh. _Time heals everything_ , they said, but Junmyeon learns it doesn’t. Time will only makes it less painful; it will get easier to breathe as days go by, but the scars inflicted will always remain. Those marks will always be there to remind Junmyeon of what he had been through.

A light tap on the passenger seat window snaps Junmyeon from his reverie. “Jongdae?” Jongdae offers a gentle smile before pointing to the back seat. Junmyeon unlocks the door before entering the car again from the back with Jongdae.

“How did you even know I am here?” Jongdae doesn’t answer him, instead holds out Junmyeon’s thick black jacket.

“You forgot to bring your jacket out.” Jongdae’s gentle voice comes out in hushed whisper. “I don’t want you to fall sick.”

Junmyeon takes the jacket and grins. “Thanks, Jongdae.” Junmyeon thinks that Jongdae is an angel fell from heaven. As long as Junmyeon has known him, he has never seen Jongdae giving anyone the cold shoulder. He is always friendly to every person he meets, be it just the technician that comes to fix their washing machine or the ahjumma who cleans their dormitory on a weekly basis; he charms people with his pretty smile and kind words. When they had been assigned into the team, his affectionate personality has made him assume the role of taking care of the members. Junmyeon notices how Jongdae helps Yixing with his Korean or how he gives warm hugs and words of encouragement to Baekhyun when the vocalist gets frustrated for not getting his notes right. The leader also notices how Jongdae seems to comprehend his pressure as the team leader and he would subtly comfort him with his gentle touches and reassuring words. Jongdae also goes all out to ensure that Junmyeon is aware that he respects him by glancing at him for his approval whenever they are in interviews together. Despite the members always joke how Junmyeon resembles the mother of the team the truth is that Jongdae is the ‘mother’, not him. Compared to Jongdae who is always attentive to his team members’ needs, he has so much more to learn from the younger.  

Smiling Junmyeon’s favourite kittenish smile of his, Jongdae reaches out for the older’s hand and rubs his knuckles softly, which oddly makes Junmyeon’s heart race. The younger (Junmyeon thinks he sees Jongdae blushes, but he could have seen it wrongly given that there is no sufficient lighting to prove otherwise) then pulls Junmyeon into his arms. The leader allows himself to be enveloped in Jongdae’s warmth as Jongdae massages his back in a soothing manner. Leaning against Jongdae’s chest, Junmyeon can smell the faint scent of his cocoa butter body shampoo. Not that he always keeps track of what Jongdae smells of, anyway. It’s just that Jongdae is always in close proximity with him that he is able to catch his scent most of the time. Jongdae has always been a touchy person. If he isn’t hugging him from behind, he will be squeezing his hand lightly to assure he’s here for Junmyeon and the latter will return the gesture to show that he appreciates Jongdae’s thoughts.

He have been together with the EXO members for so long that he is absolutely sure to say that he is most comfortable with each and every one of them, apart from his family. However, when he is alone with Jongdae, it feels…different. Jongdae, to him, is, dare he say, home? When he is with Jongdae, his leader instinct just dissipates and he becomes Junmyeon. Not Suho or Kim Junmyeon from EXO. Just Junmyeon.

Amidst the pleasant silence, Jongdae begins to hum ‘My Turn to Cry’ under his breath. Junmyeon looks up at Jongdae, and noticing Junmyeon’s stare, Jongdae turns to Junmyeon. Their gazes meet, and in that instant Junmyeon feels butterflies in his stomach. It hasn’t been the first time that Junmyeon feels this way when they look at each other in the eyes or being in close proximity. Junmyeon had shrugged them off every time when it happens, assuming that he is just exhausted but this time, wide awake and completely alert, Junmyeon is out of excuses to continue to ignore this occurrence; whereas Jongdae wears a shy smile and looks away.

 “Can you sing it for me?” Junmyeon’s stare remains on the younger member, trying to figure out the reason behind all these peculiar body response he has been experiencing for quite some time.

The edge of Jongdae’s eyes crinkle as he smiles. “Sure, hyung.”

 ** _“I had a nightmare before I could hug you,”_** Junmyeon closes his eyes and lays his head on the younger’s shoulder. **_“…who was crying, I woke up…_** **_With a sad heart, I opened the curtain… With my moonlight-stained tears, I send you a letter…”_**

“ ** _Remember, when things were hard, I always turned your tears into smiles…”_** The inkling feeling that Jongdae is staring prompts Junmyeon to open his eyes. And when he looks up, the vocalist is still singing, his gaze fixated on him.

“ ** _Don’t cry in places without me, don’t cry… because you always had a lot of tears…”_** The ridiculous thought where Junmyeon thinks that Jongdae is dedicating this song to him comes back to Junmyeon only that now it actually makes sense seeing the way how Jongdae is staring at him that he just can’t put his finger on.

 ** _“No, it’s my turn to cry, I’ll cry now…I’ll take all of your tears”_** Junmyeon is hyperaware that Jongdae is holding his hand tight but he can’t exactly find it in him to let go. **_“It’s my turn to cry, give them to me, even those tears, this time… this time yeah…”_** And Junmyeon has no idea why he is feeling out of breath when Jongdae is getting closer to him, so close that he can feel his breath fanning across his cheek.

 “That was, uhm, beautiful.” Junmyeon remarks intelligently when Jongdae ends the song and shifts away a little from him.

 “Hyung…” There comes the usual pouty tone he uses on Junmyeon all the time.

“Yes, Jongdae?”

“You can tell me if there’s anything bothering you, you know right?” He speaks carefully, afraid that Junmyeon might think he is prying into his personal matters.

Internally cooing at how adorable Jongdae is ( _“how can he even think that he is prying?”_ ) Junmyeon lets out a light chuckle and taps Jongdae’s hand with his other free hand. “I know, Jongdae. I know.”

Jongdae looks at him expectantly, as he waits for Junmyeon to tell him what’s been troubling him. Junmyeon smirks and shakes head in defeat, knowing that Jongdae will not relent until he tells him.

“Have you ever thought of what might have happened if there are still twelve of us?”

Jongdae blinks and looks on the floor for a moment before answering. “I do. But I stop myself when I catch myself thinking about it.” 

“Why?”

“Because that means I am just dwelling in the past and not letting myself to move forward.” Jongdae pauses for a while, exhaling the breath he never knew he was holding in. “What have happened had already happened. I am, we all are heartbroken that they chose to leave. Their departures have hurt us deeply, I know. We are all left with gaping holes in our hearts and endless self-questioning of whys. But this is life. Things happened. Sometimes we don’t get closures. We just have to stop asking and accept and move on.”

“Rather than letting myself drown in sadness because they left, I choose to smile because at least they were there, with us at the beginning. We’ve been through so much together that those memories are worth smiling when we look back at them. Yes, it’s regrettable that we didn’t make it to the end together, but it is okay. Everything will be fine, eventually. And most importantly, we are not alone.” Jongdae turns to Junmyeon; his adorable kittenish smile makes an appearance again. “We have Yixing hyung, Minseok hyung, Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Sehun, Jongin and Kyungsoo. I have you, hyung. And you have me.”

Junmyeon beams as he let Jongdae’s words sink in. He is right. There are things in life that just happens and there’s no point in looking for the answers now. Perhaps one day everything will fall in place, like how he used to ask himself “why not me?” when Jonghyun and Taemin were to debut before him and now he gets his answer whenever he looks at his members and thinks of all the achievements they’ve attained.

“You’ve always been the mature one. I’m proud of you.”

“I’m proud to have you as my hyung too.”

Junmyeon pinches Jongdae’s cheeks lightly. “Aigooo, my lovely dongsaeng.”

In a split second, Junmyeon swears that Jongdae’s smile falters before he puts it on again. Junmyeon becomes self-conscious, going through their conversation and asking himself have he said something wrong?

“Jongdae?” It only takes a fleeting moment but Junmyeon sees it, the way how Jongdae’s eyes lights up when he calls him. And, _shit._ Junmyeon’s mouth hangs open, beginning to realize what this is all about. He finally understands those puzzling gazes, shy smiles and tender touches.

“Hyung?” Junmyeon’s heart is racing like probably one hundred miles per minute as the new realization- _Jongdae is in love with him_ \- hits through him. Junmyeon has never really thought much about relationships or sexuality. True, he used to date his school mate for a few years before he called it off because he wanted to pursue his dream. And he might have had crushes on one or two female trainees during his 7 years of training, but they were simply feelings that went off after some time. But love? Does he truly know the meaning of love? Growing up in an orthodox Korean family and society, he knows romantic love is between a man and a woman; a sentiment that enables them to get married and build a family together. To love another man, romantically, is it even possible?

 “Hyung, are you okay? You don’t look too good.”

“Ah…I, I …am fine.” Jongdae isn’t convinced, at all. But he seems to notice something is off and with a sad, knowing smile, he begins to pull away from Junmyeon. The leader’s instinct immediately rings a siren in his mind, telling him to keep Jongdae close. Without thinking much about consequences of his action, he catches hold of Jongdae’s wrist, causing the younger to jerk forward towards him. The sudden movement seals any space existing between them; chest to chest, noses touching each other.  Jongdae’s eyes widens, lips parted at their sudden proximity.

Junmyeon gulps nervously. He can see his long, curled eyelashes and unconsciously, his finger trails the fine line around the edge of his eyes. Jongdae’s skin feels cold under his fingertips and the younger trembles slightly when their skin makes contact.

Slowly, and gently, Junmyeon caresses his high cheekbones, one of Jongdae’s many features that Junmyeon just adores. And when his finger finally reaches the younger’s lips, it feels soft and Junmyeon wonders how they will feel on his lips…

But Junmyeon doesn’t have to wonder because the next thing he knows is that Jongdae leans in and kisses him.

It has been so, so, so long since Junmyeon has kissed anyone (his first kiss wasn’t really considered as kissing- it was just an innocent peck on the lips) but gosh, it feels so good to be kissed. Jongdae is so good with his mouth- the way he sucks Junmyeon’s lips, oh gosh- delirious moans escape from Junmyeon’s parted lips and Jongdae takes this opportunity to thrust his tongue into his mouth and their tongue intertwines in a dance of ardor.

And when Junmyeon removes his lips to catch a breath, Jongdae begins to leave kisses on his jaw down to his neck. He grazes and licks at a particular spot on his neck, causing Junmyeon to gasp as a warm feeling begins to pool southward of his abdomen.

“Jong..Jongdae…” Junmyeon’s voice is rasped, as he tries to push Jongdae away. Jongdae stops, and looks at him, lips red and breath ragged.

“You… you will leave a mark.” Junmyeon murmurs.

“Sorry.” Jongdae grins bashfully before sitting up straight in his previous position. “I, er…sorry.” Junmyeon flushes red. He can still taste Jongdae on his lips.

“Hyung…” Junmyeon looks at Jongdae, who licks his lips nervously. And it takes lots of restraint for Junmyeon to jump on him and kiss him again.

“Hyung, we…”

“Do you?” Junmyeon cuts in with his question.  

Jongdae nods vigorously. “I do, hyung.”

“Since when?”

“I don’t know. I am not really sure. I’ve always been…” Jongdae pauses, eyes darting around searching for a right word to say. “…attracted to you. Everything about you just captures my attention.”

“Do you?” Jongdae asks carefully. Junmyeon purses his lips, as he tries to formulate his sentences in his head but Jongdae interrupts with his low, tired sigh.

“We don’t have to deal with it now. This… whatever we have right now. You don’t have to give me an answer.”

“Don’t you want an answer?” Junmyeon asks, surprised.

Jongdae chuckles sadly. “Either way, we can’t have this out in the open. Answer or no answer, I doubt it will make much difference.” Jongdae is right. They are, after all, idols. They have too much to lose but Junmyeon feels surprisingly optimistic about this, about them. If they try, perhaps they can have this little luxury, even just for a while.

Again, that sad, knowing smile that Junmyeon is starting to hate resurfaces on Jongdae’s face. “And don’t feel burdened by my feelings for you. If you feel the need to stay away from me, just go ahead. I understand that it can be too much to take in and you need to have your own space, so you don’t have to feel bad for me.”

This time Junmyeon leans in, grabs Jongdae’s neck and kisses him long and hard.

“Hyung…” When Junmyeon releases him, Jongdae looks confused, eyes wide in disbelief and he finds it utterly adorable.

“I do, too, Jongdae ya. I do.”

When Jongdae smiles, eyes crinkling, Junmyeon thinks he already knows what, or rather, who love truly is.

 

**

 

**Bonus**

 

“Next time if you cannot sleep, tell me. I’ll sing you to sleep.”

“I’m not a child, Jongdae.”

“It’s okay to be a child, hyung.”

“I’m a single mother to 8 children, so no, it’s not okay.”

“You are reading those random posts on Twitter again, aren’t you?”

“Some of them are hilarious. You should read them sometimes.”

“It’s okay, you can read them and tell me about it.”

“Lazy bum.”

“Hahaha love you too, Myeonie.”


	2. Like Rain Like Music

__

 

“I’m sorry, Baekhyun-ssi. Have you waited very long?” A man who is at least a decade older than Baekhyun enters the tiny SBS meeting room. Baekhyun immediately gets up from his seat to greet the older.

“No, not at all. I’ve just arrived.” As Baekhyun reaches out his hand towards the man, who shakes his hand firmly, another woman who is in her early twenties with a thick stack of music sheet in her arms and a sling bag over her left shoulder enters the room. Her face turns red when she sees him, and greets him with a shy nod before sitting next to the man whom Baekhyun just greeted.

The man waits for the woman who is most probably his assistant to organize the music sheets neatly on the table before speaking again. “I’m sorry for the delay. Shall we begin?”

“Sure.” Baekhyun indicates with a smile.

“So, you can call me Kim PD and this is my assistant, Sunmi.” He gestures to the woman next to him. “I assume that you already knew the reason why you are here?”

“Yes, I do. My manager had informed that Chen and I are selected to perform for the tribute stages.”

“Yes, yes. We’ve already met up with Chen-ssi yesterday about the song that he would be performing.”

“Ah, I see.”

“So, Baekhyun-ssi, you’ll be performing Kim Hyun Sik’s Like Music, Like Rain. Our music producer has made some slight changes on the arrangement of the song. The new version will be exactly like the minus one in the mp3 recorder.” Kim PD retrieves a set of music sheet as well as an mp3 recorder from his assistant before handling them to the idol.

Baekhyun receives them with both hands, and slightly bows to the PD. “It is such an honour for me to perform Kim Hyun Sik sunbae’s song. Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to perform this song. I will do my best.”

“Ah, Baekhyun-ssi, you are such a humble person. You will do well in life. I have to pass the rest of the music sheets to the others, so I’ll leave first.” Kim PD pats lightly on Baekhyun’s back, before exiting the meeting room with a smile followed by his assistant.

Baekhyun exhales in relief, before glancing towards the music sheet in his hand. This song is a real classic and Baekhyun did hear this song several times that he is familiar enough to sing along. It was… Flashes of twinkling doe-eyes and bright smile suddenly appear in his mind, and he shakes his head, as if to shake away those all-too-familiar images as well.

 

**

 

“Are you sure you don’t want to go dinner with us?” Jongin asks, wiping away his sweats with the pink towel around his neck. His white shirt is drenched with his perspiration. They have been practicing since morning for their comeback scheduled in next year. The sun has long set in the metropolitan area, left only four of them in this small, sweat-reeked practice studio- Jongin, Kyungsoo, Chanyeol and himself. The rest had to leave early for their personal schedule whereas Yixing is still in the mainland China and will join them for practice tomorrow.

“Yeah. I need to practice the song for the coming Gayo Daejun.”

Chanyeol looks at him and says nothing but the way he scrunches his eyebrows at Baekhyun tells the latter that the younger will be throwing a series of questions when he gets home.

“Oh, okay. We’ll leave first then.” Jongin leaves the room with Kyungsoo, who pushes Jongin away when the younger attempts to put his hand around the older’s shoulder, muttering something sounding like ‘you stink’.

“Do you want me to buy anything for you?” Chanyeol’s deep baritone voice combined with his earnest gaze never fails to make Baekhyun’s stomach churn.

“It’s okay, Chanyeollie. I am not hungry. You go ahead with Kyungie and Nini.”

Chanyeol chews his lips, his fingers fidgeting by his side, looking conflicted. Baekhyun knows very well the reason behind the yoda’s perplexity. He smiles a little at the fact and reaches for the taller’s hand, giving it a light squeeze.

“It’s fine, Yeollie-ah,” Chanyeol grins at the nickname, revealing two neat rows of white, sparkling teeth. “I’ll see you back at the dorm.”

“Okay.” Chanyeol squeezes his hand back and smiles sweetly at Baekhyun before catching up with Kyungsoo and Jongin. When the door shuts behind Chanyeol, the usually cramped and noisy practice studio suddenly feels too spacious and quiet for Baekhyun’s liking.

The vocalist gets to his bag at the corner of the room and searches for the mp3 recorder and his earphones. He takes it out, wears his earphones, and presses the play button.

The instrumental music begins to play, and he waits for the cue to start.  

**_When the rain falls and the music flows_ **

**_I think of you_ **

As he sings to every word, his mind begins to wander, and a familiar face slowly invades his thoughts, a certain someone with sparkling doe eyes and wide grin.  Despite the melody playing on both sides of his earphones, Baekhyun can hear his carefree laughter.

**_The night when you left_ **

**_It was raining like this_ **

He no longer sings along to the melody, thoughts pre-occupied with **him**. He wonders how have he been. He hasn’t talked to him in ages, since he had returned to his home country. Other than Yixing hyung and Sehunnie, he doesn’t think anyone in the team has been keeping in touch with him. They had parted amicably, respecting his choice and wishing each other well but everyone was evidently hurt by the fact that he had left them, like how the EXO-M leader did, but only that he actually had said goodbye to them.

Baekhyun reaches for his phone in the left pocket of his bag, and he starts to scroll through his contact list. On the contact page, below his name are the numbers that he had personally typed in before he left for China the night before. _“I’ll be using this number when I get home,”_ there was a hesitant smile on his handsome face when he returned the phone to Baekhyun after saving his own number. “ _You can call me if you need anything._ ” Baekhyun had stared blankly at him, not knowing what to say, for the second time in his life. _“You can call even if you don’t need anything. I’ll try my best to answer, that I promise you.”_

Against his best judgment, Baekhyun calls the number. He doesn’t even know why he is doing this. So what if he answers? What is he going to say? Say he calls him because he is going to perform his favourite song in a music show and he misses him because the song reminds him of him?

“Yoboseyo?” The familiar Chinese-accented voice answers on the other side of the phone, causing Baekhyun to jolt.  

Baekhyun calms himself down before answering. “Hello, Luhan hyung.”

“You called.” The tone of surprise is evident in Luhan’s voice.

“Yeah, I did.” Baekhyun purses and unpurses his lips several times before speaking again. “I’ll be singing ‘Like Rain, Like Music’ on KBS Gayo Daejun next month.”

There is a smile in Luhan’s voice, as if he knows why Baekhyun calls him. Perhaps he really does know. Luhan has always been one of those people who understand Baekhyun’s random behaviours. “It’s a great song and you have a beautiful voice, so this song is best sung by you. You’ll ace this like you always do.” Luhan pauses for a second. “Don’t worry.”

There are moments of silence between them, where none of them is exchanging a word. Baekhyun might assume that Luhan has already hung up on him, if it isn’t for the absence of the long, monotone ‘tu’ sound.

“How are the rest?”

“They are fine. We are practicing for the next comeback.”

“Oh, good.” Luhan pauses again. Baekhyun can picture the older scrunches his eyebrow, thinking hard for the right words to say. “How about you and Chanyeol?”

Baekhyun blushes at the mention of him and Chanyeol. “We are… okay.”

Luhan laughs. Baekhyun’s lips curve into a wide grin. Now that he physically hears Luhan’s easy laughter rather than in his recollection of memories, he can’t help but to realize how much he misses him.

“I saw it on the Internet. You two are ogling at each other so much that it’s so painful to watch. You guys are practically drooling over each other.”

 “No, we don’t!” Baekhyun practically screeches on the phone. Luhan roars into laughter again, and Baekhyun laughs with him. Luhan’s laughter has always been infectious.

Boisterous laughter slowly reduces into chuckles. “I’m happy for you two,” Luhan says, after chuckles followed by a few coughs. “And I’m happy that both of you are happy being together. I am always rooting for both of you.”

Luhan was the first person to realise what was going on between him and Chanyeol, even before Baekhyun was even aware of it. When Baekhyun had finally come to discover his feelings, he was confused, not knowing what he should really do. He had no one else to confide in, not even his kind and patient leader, Junmyeon when it came to the matter of the heart.

The predicament had gone on for weeks; Baekhyun avoided Chanyeol like a plague, and clearly hurt by Baekhyun’s indifference, Chanyeol did the same as well. The members (and the fans) thought that he had a big fight with Chanyeol when in reality, he was trying his very best to contain his **_unusual_** feelings for his best friend.

He remembered sitting at the stairs in their dorm apartment in the middle of the night, staring at blank walls and thinking about his dilemma when Luhan had found him and sat quietly next to him _. “I know you love Chanyeol, the boy-love-girl kind of love.”_ Baekhyun froze. _“He loves you too, in the same way.”_ Baekhyun had turned toward Luhan, who did not look at him. Baekhyun was fearful; feared of the rejection that he knew he had to face when the truth was revealed. He had looked to his front, closed his eyes, and braced himself for the rejection that he was about to receive from his group member.

But it never came. Instead, he had felt a warm hand ruffled his hair. He had opened his eyes, and saw Luhan, who had graced him with a gentle smile, telling him in a hushed whisper, “ _And it’s okay to love him, Baekhyun. It won’t change the fact that you are and will always be my good dongsaeng.”_

And embarrassingly enough, Baekhyun had ended up crying in Luhan’s arms, leaving a big, dark stain on his favourite bright, red Manchester United shirt.

“Thank you hyung.”

“Mm.”

Silence again. “Hyung,”

“Yes?”

“I miss you.”

“I miss you too. I miss the others too.”

 _Then, why did you go?_ Baekhyun wants to ask this but he doesn’t because he already knows the answer. All of them do.

Baekhyun suddenly hears someone calls for Luhan in the background. Luhan covers the phone speaker (judging from the lowering volume of his voice) and answers the person with a few Chinese words that Baekhyun has no idea about.

“Baek,” Luhan calls Baekhyun’s nickname, which causes a warm fuzzy feeling to settle in Baekhyun’s chest. “I have to go now. My, uh, manager is calling for me.”

“Oh okay.”

“You can leave a message if you want. I’ll reply as soon as I can.”

“Okay.”

“Baekhyun,” Luhan pauses again, “Thanks for calling.”

Baekhyun smiles. “Thanks for answering my call, Luhannie hyung. Take care.” Baekhyun hesitates for a while. “Keep in touch.” He had said it before, when Luhan hyung was leaving permanently for China but both of them knew that he didn’t mean it because the younger was clearly upset about his departure. But the circumstance is different now and Baekhyun knows that both of them know he sincerely means it.

Luhan doesn’t speak until a few seconds later. “Of course. You too, Baekhyun. Take care.” Baekhyun hears the evident joy in his voice before he hangs up.

It is a short phone conversation; nothing of significance but it serves as some sort of closure for him as he feels a certain weight in his heart has been lifted. It has been almost a year since that eventful night when Luhan told them that he had decided to withdraw from EXO and return to his home country, explaining how he had thought about this for a long time and at the same time, revealing that his concern for his aging parents and his homesickness were the very factors that drove him to make such decision.

And no matter how much Baekhyun tries to deny, he knows clearly he still couldn’t move on from the fact that Luhan decided to quit and return to his home country (following Kris’ footsteps and subsequently Tao, who did the same for reasons, till this day, unbeknownst to him). If he allows himself to be honest, he feels abandoned, or even betrayed though he knew Luhan had perfectly valid reasons to withdraw from their group and as fellow brother and good friend, he should support him whole-heartedly, just like how Yixing did no matter how reluctant he was to let him go.

Maybe this is God’s plan- to let Baekhyun got chosen to perform Luhan’s favourite song and stirs up his unresolved sentiments toward him, forcing him to actually accept the fact that Luhan had left for justifiable reasons and he should rid of his unpleasant feelings towards the elder. And it did. Baekhyun feels so much better as a peaceful feeling settles within him, for the first time, in a long time.

He plays the song again. When the thoughts of his doe-eyed hyung resurface, he no longer forces them away. Instead, a wide grin graces his beautiful face as he imagines his hyung singing along with him in a country hundred kilometres away from where he is.

 

**

 

**Bonus**

“Chanyeol?”

Chanyeol looks up and grins heartily when he sees his lover standing at the entrance of the company, wide-eyed. He runs up to Baekhyun so fast that he nearly trips and falls. Baekhyun shakes his head in amusement.

“It’s already so late. What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be in the dorm with the rest?”

“I couldn’t sleep, knowing you are still out here, practising alone. So, I waited for you.”

Baekhyun blinks at Chanyeol, looking incredulous. “You waited for me? Out here?”

“Yeah.” Chanyeol beams proudly.

Baekhyun playfully grabs and pulls both of Chanyeol’s ears. “Dummy, you could’ve just punched in the codes and get inside. It’s so cold outside tonight. You could’ve fallen sick.”

Chanyeol pouts. “I am sorry.” Then, he puts on a sheepish smile as he reaches for Baekhyun’s hands and gently pulls them away from his ears. He doesn’t let go, and instead tightens his grip around Baekhyun’s wrists. “I guess I got too excited that I forgot.”

Baekhyun laughs at how incredibly dumb (yet adorable and sweet) Chanyeol is, and suddenly the words spoken by Luhan many nights ago resonate with him. _It’s okay to love him._

“Okay, let’s go home, dummy.” Chanyeol’s grin is even wider than before as he nods enthusiastically.

It is more than okay to love him.

**_It is perfect._ **

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! ^^ Comments will be greatly appreciated.


End file.
